I'm so tired of not being treated as I should be.  I spent three and a half years trying to nurture a relationship and love with all of my heart, only to be cheated on and have my mind and heart played with as I'm hurled into the insecurities associated with an open relationship and my partner's selfish narcissism.  What she put me through was the cause of my shortcomings this past semester.  It took a lot for me to get my head on straight again and I'm spun into a level of pissed off I've never been before - I hope she gets syphilis, fails to get into med school, and that she just generally gets to feel what she made me feel.

Then I meet someone a million times sweeter.  Someone who actually makes me feel like I'm on top of the world.  We get along perfectly, have the same sense of humor, and same moral orientation.  She would never put me through an open relationship.  But she only comes to me in waves.  There's always a period of 2ish weeks where she's head over heels for me and loves me and makes me sweet gifts and sends me emotional messages at 6 in the morning about how she wants to keep that piece of me she stole for a long time.  Then she gets bored with me or something and decides she needs some space.  I hate being treated like I'm something that can just be resumed after hitting pause for a while.  This has been going on for about 4 months now.

So why aren't there any sane girls out there?  They're either evil or sweet but inconsistent.  I'm sick of being alone and not feeling what I long to feel.  Fuck the world and fuck everyone.  For once I'm going to start focusing on me.  I'm fucking sick of having to bend to everyone else's wants.  I'm a nice guy - a [I]really[/I] nice guy - and it's making me lose what makes me happy because I bend to everyone else.  Fuck that.  You hear that, world?  You've taken enough from me!